Happy 21st Birthday, Brandon!

Finally, the first shall be last! Today is Brandon's birthday, our firstborn. Our four kids all celebrate their birthdays usually within the Lenten period which also more or less encompasses March Madness. There is probably something significant about that but I have no clue as to what it is.
As I already mentioned, you were our introduction to parenthood. It really is a miracle that you have any siblings! But, after you, we figured it had to be easier. We certainly received a education from you, lessons that were applied to the raising of your sister and brothers. So, this birthday tribute is all about what I learned from my first born son.

First, tiny babies fake sleeping. You always had to cry before you could go to sleep at night, which I interpreted to mean that you were being strangled by a raccoon that somehow had got into your room or had your little head stuck between the crib rails or were starving to death or drowning in your own pee. So, after an eternity of 94 seconds I would go into your room and pat your bottom and you would lay your head down and after an eternity of 36 hours you would drift off to sleep. I would slow down the velocity and reduce the psi of the bottom patting until I could eventually stop. Then I would drop gently to my hands and knees so you couldn't see me, lay on the floor until I could hear a rhythm in your little breaths, then slowly crawl to the door, turn the knob ever so slowly and open it. And your head always popped up at the same point in this exercise in futility-right when I started to close the door! So I learned something valuable about helping babies go to sleep that I was able to apply to the others. Buy a bigger house and put the baby's room at the far end of the upstairs! You taught me that Bubba!

Second, Brandon, you taught me about finances, taxes, net worth and insurance. See, once you have a child you get to claim them as an exemption with the IRS because you no longer really own anything and what you think you own they quickly destroy, thus the term "tax break." But somehow, in the middle of the depreciation occurring to your belongings because they have been lost, stolen, buried, painted, sold, eaten or given to strange children on your street you learn to "appreciate" the little perpetual tornado that has done all the damage! Yes, you worry some when the excuses start to make sense, but again, you learn something very valuable.
That is, own nothing valuable! By the way, you still have some of my CD's and my shotgun.

Third, you proved that theory of Newton, or Einstein or Buffet to be true, the one about a body in motion stays in motion until it is wrapped tightly in duct tape. You took your first step at eight months. And then you ran, everywhere, all the time. You ran into a lot of things along the way of course. Sometimes I tried to warn you. Remember the time you were riding your bike around the pool dressed in your nicest church clothes? Remember what I said would happen if you didn't slow down? Remember how you told me that you were too good at riding your bike to end up in the bottom of the pool? Remember us being late for church that day?

Fourth, you taught us as parents that we should always probably listen to our kids, no matter how many times we have heard it before or how unbelievable the story is. In fact, with you, Brandon, we learned that the more crazy or wild the story the more probable it was true. For example that whole broken arm thing....Do you have any idea how many times a day you were either bleeding to death or unconscious for a short period or had dislocated some appendage? So when you told us you had broken your arm on the trampoline you can certainly understand our panic, the way we yawned and said "uh huh, okay, that's fine, Bubba, go on and play." And, later that day you were swimming pretty good anyway when that Orthopedic Doctor friend of ours noticed you and said something about your arm looking funny...See, from then on when our other children said they were hurt we listened carefully.


There are so many other lessons, too many to tell. It is only right that on your birthday, we should give you a big thank you for all we have learned! What success we have had as parents we owe to you! Of course, we also owe you for thousands of crazy smiles that always melted our hearts, hours of goofy laughter when we most needed it, adventurous schemes when life got a little predictable, comforting words of love in our darkest days, and an intense desire for God that challenges us. Most of all, in everything, we have always been able to look at you and be thankful and proud. You wore us out raising you, but it was a good tired. One we wouldn't trade for anything. And we know that what goes around comes around, so we look forward to payback with your firstborn!

So, Brandon, this ones for you! Happy 21st birthday! We really are amazed you made it. By the way, your Mom and I arranged it all along, after your first birthday, that somehow you should probably turn 21 on the Lord's day, at a conservative Christian college, in a dry county in the middle of Arkansas!